A Sense of Belonging or The Lack of It

I am a millennial, perpetually caught in the tug-of-war between tradition and modernity. My struggle to define my identity is mirrored by the rapid changes happening around me. Growing up, I always felt like an anomaly – not quite fitting into any predetermined mold or category. Hailing from a Tier II city in India, my roots lie in a small town where my ancestors have lived for generations. However, due to my father’s move 43 years ago in search of better opportunities, I have spent almost all of my life in the bustling capital city.

Despite this, I have always appreciated the annual summer vacations which i spent in our ancestral village, staying connected to my cultural heritage through these visits. However, it never truly felt like home to me. My cousins who grew up there full-time seem to have a deeper connection to their identity because of their constant presence in the community.

For me, home has always been Delhi. While we used to make regular trips back to my hometown, it never felt like we were going home – rather, it was leaving our true home behind. As I grew older and responsibilities increased with school, college, and work commitments, our visits became less frequent. Now, they are limited only to special occasions such as family functions and of course marriages. Even my cousins who were raised in the hometown have since moved on to bigger cities for their studies and careers. Despite this physical distance, they still hold a strong emotional bond with their birthplace that I cannot seem to attain.

As I reflect on this disparity in attachment to my hometown , I can’t help but wonder if I will ever feel that same deep-rooted sense of belonging that seems to come effortlessly to others who have a fixed identity rooted in one place.